What to do in times of sorrow… Self-Care!Health Lifestyle Trending 

What to do in times of sorrow… Self-Care!

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With so much sadness in the world, hurricanes, earthquakes, needless shootings and young talent dying, we can find ourselves in a major funk! What’s this world coming to? It can be a really difficult thing to wrap our heads around. We simply can’t make sense of it all. But maybe we’re not supposed to. Certainly we have to process and grieve but we don’t have to get stuck there. “How can I not?” you say.

The late Wayne Dyer said,

 “You CANNOT get sick enough, to heal one person on this planet. You CANNOT get poor enough, to make one other person on this planet wealthy. You CANNOT get confused enough, to un-confuse one person on this planet. No amount of your feeling bad.”

No amount of your feeling bad will change anything. Period. The only thing that will change the situations in the world is personal change, putting the focus back onto ourselves. I know many of us grew up being taught that this was a selfish act, but it just ain’t so as Mark Twain knew.

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble.

It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

What’s more, we’re not supposed to make the lives of others better, that’s not our job. Our job is to make our life better, to find our own path to enlightenment, to discover who we were created to be, what our passions and gifts are that we’ve been given to share with the world. We don’t know what the journey of another is. Hell, we’re having trouble figuring out our own. And what’s more. It’s not our job. Our job is to support rather than help. What’s the difference?

What to do in times of sorrow… Self-Care!

When we try to help others, from our good intentions of course, what we’re really saying is that “from my point of view, I know what’s best for you.”  Helping can give us a self-righteous feeling of look what I did, or look at the sacrifices I’ve made. It can make us feel like we’re superior, know more, have more. While supporting puts us on an equal playing field and is aligning with the other’s highest image of themselves, not the image we hold for them. When we think we know what’s best for another, once again, we’ve taken our focus and attention off ourselves, our own path, our own personal growth.

I know this was true in my life when I was a young adult and I even helped in the name of God!  The trouble was, I wasn’t paying any attention at all to my own journey. And when my life came crashing down and I complained to God, “What the hell, didn’t you appreciate all the things I did for YOU?” The reply came, “You were doing things that I never asked you to do.” My Irish/Professor/Priest friend would ask, Whose need is it anyway?

All we need to do is to trust and have faith in others and not feel sorry for them. Feeling sorry for someone puts them in victim energy. Handling challenges is what gives us a sense of skill and accomplishment. It’s where we learn, it’s how we grow. And what’s more, is that when we figure our way out, we gain a new sense of pride and our self-esteem skyrockets.


I trust that there is a Higher Divine Power who is in charge and knows exactly what’s happening, we’ve not been abandoned. Just because we can’t see the bigger picture doesn’t mean it’s not out there.  Things aren’t happening because we’re bad people. Yes, absolutely things need to change, we need to change. Things happen in our lives, personally and globally, to shake us from our complacency… to wake us up… to make the necessary changes that need to happen for humanity and the planet.

What to do in times of sorrow… Self-Care!

What happens for many of us is that we get caught up and enmeshed with all the drama. Why? It gives us something to talk about. It gives us something to worry about, it takes our minds off of our own personal life journey.


Worry is a waste of time and energy. Worry gets masked as caring. Worry is a lack of faith in the other and cannot exist along side love. All worry really says it that you don’t trust that another can live their life right. We diminish and offend others when we worry about them. Can we come to others with love rather than worry, and through our trust and belief, hold for them sacred space for them to blossom.

So in light of all this, what can we do to take care of ourselves so that we in turn have something of value to offer others?

Stay with me here. We can live our life filled with passion and joy! Really? That’s it? When we raise the vibration of our own energy that in turn raises the vibration of the energy around us. And darkness and negativity cannot live in positive energy vibrations. Maitreya, The Happy Buddha states that

Joy is the highest energy vibration.

Really, it’s that simple. Certainly some of us will feel called to take action and we absolutely should as long as they are doing it from a place of calling, rather than a place of codependency or getting caught up in the drama of other’s as diversion to staying on their own path.

When I was in recovery from my life falling apart, I said to my friend, “I think I’ll go down to New Orleans and help those people from hurricane Katrina.” “Wow, that sounds like a really noble thing to do.” And then she paused and added, “Smells a bit like diversion to me.” And she was right. Because it was easier to go fix someone else’s life than it was to fix my own.


First, I think the biggest thing that we can do to give ourselves some peace in the after math of it all is to first realize that things get worse before they get better. Have you ever cleaned out a closet or a garage? To do it properly, everything has to be taken out and you’re left with a huge mess. Then you begin to evaluate, weed out, make changes and begin the process of putting things back in a new organized manner. Then like magic, viola, the space is beautiful, clean and clutter free. We’re going to get beautiful again, I promise you!  Stay true to your personal journey; we all need to stay true to our own personal journeys.

And then, take a break from the media, television and social media. It just fuels the negativity. Once again my old pal, Wayne Dyer says,

Your thoughts not your world cause your stress

What can you do to raise your energy vibration level? Do things that bring you joy. Watch a movie that make you laugh from your belly. Do the things that put a smile on your face. Take some time out and rest or get a spa treatment. Spend some time with someone who makes you feel good. Listen to some music that speaks to your soul. Be willing to see things from another view-point.



A farmer had a horse that ran away and the whole town cried… “Oh, what bad luck you have!” The farmer calmly replied, “Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows?”

The horse came back with a new mare friend and the whole town cried, “Oh, what bad luck you have!” The farmer calmly replied, “Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows?”

The story has many verses but you get the drift. It’s all a matter of perspective. So don’t get stuck in your perception of what’s happening. Because I guarantee, from my own personal experience,

You think you know, but you have no idea!

I’ll leave you with two little stories to prove my point. The first, a thirteen-year-old little girl killed herself about six months ago. The note she left behind read, “I can’t take this anymore.” How tragic and sad it was to have this little life ended so soon. However, she came to me immediately upon my hearing the story. And this is what she said, “I’m good. I did what I came to earth to do, I was finished.” There are a lot of things that we don’t understand.

Then while I was in intuitive massage school, I read a book channeling John Lennon. The one part I remember is that John was telling his fans that they had to stop sending all of their negative energy into the universe. He said that he was doing his best to transmute it to positive but they had to stop.

I’ll leave you with these words from a young holocaust survivor, Etty Hillesum

Ultimately we have just one moral duty;

To reclaim large areas of peace in ourselves,

More and more peace,

And to reflect it towards others.

And the more peace there is in us,

The more peace there will also be in our troubled world.

Etty Hillesum, a young holocaust victim.


A Path to Mindful LivingPati Hope – Author, Founder & Executive Director of Evolve to Live

As the founder of Evolve to Live, a Nonprofit 501 (c)(3) Educational Outreach organization, Pati is fulfilling a long time dream. By creating this organization, she is bringing her extensive life experiences, skills as an author (three books and counting), inspirational speaker, transitional coach, energy healer and adventurer under one roof to benefit her clients and community. She is passionate about providing workshops, educational outreach, sessions and speaking to groups both large and small to share her insights and experiences.  Pati embodies the mission of Evolve to Live, which is to “Embrace Change and to live life with renewed passion and joy!”

Books for saleEvolvetolive.org/products


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